Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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