You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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