if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.