I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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