Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.