Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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