Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
