I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
