ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
