like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
