I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
