it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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