Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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