I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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