I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
