Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
