i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
