I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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