so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
