My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm always down for nudity.
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