Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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