he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
