I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
