Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
