glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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