i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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