He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
