when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think i have two assholes
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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