Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
