I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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