Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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