Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
