I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
