It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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