Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
