I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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