i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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