There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
