What a fucking waste of an outfit
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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