So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
