good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
