My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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