She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
