she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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