You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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