I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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