Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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