best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
