why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
