What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
