I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
