Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize