I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Found your dick twin last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
