I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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