Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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