Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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