Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
