Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize