She is in my trunk
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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