I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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