I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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