and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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