just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
