Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
