I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
