Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
