would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
