Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
