um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
