I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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