So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
