nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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