something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize