I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
