the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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