I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
