He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
