you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
