i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
