i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
