i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
