I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
