apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
