if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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