she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
