Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
