I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
