and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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