OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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