Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
