Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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