Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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